No money. No home. No baby.
The Cosmic Conception Diaries: Part I
It was two years ago when I first announced that I wanted another baby.
We were living in Montréal at the time—a 2020 impulse that initiated a multidimensional expansive dismantling (no, really) for the following three years—and with Fauna approaching her second Solar Return, it seemed like the next logical thing to plan for.
As usual, my over-analytical brain (hello, Gemini Moon) was running the show. I made the decision through calculations instead of my heart, and more than anything, based on my subconscious belief that having children 2-3 years apart was not only ideal, but desirable.
“I’m beginning a conscious conception journey!” I announced to some friends over Zoom.
Honesty moment: I had no idea what having a “conscious conception” even truly meant. Cringe.
For weeks—and then months—after my big declaration, nothing in my lifestyle, diet, spiritual path, or partnership appeared to change.
Then my family began preparing for a move back to the US for an opportunity so obviously riddled with red flags, why wouldn’t I choose it? I was dissociated and living in a pipe dream that involved moving to an idyllic Intentional Community where sisterhood, abundance, and babies would flow. More cringe. I let my “conscious conception” fall to the bottom of our priorities, and waited for the golden moment of opportunity.
Soon after our arrival to the aforementioned paradise, it became undeniably evident that we’d accidentally joined a fucking cult (!) and had to leave. With nowhere to go, we frantically searched for another landing pad. Somewhere. Anywhere. But nothing came through. Money dried up. Time ran out. We finally made the decision to move in with family—my partner, Alex’s parents—and found ourselves in Northern New Jersey by August of 2022.
No money. No home. No baby.
Just a case of metaphorical whip lash and a pair of feet blackened by the coals of my fire walk—an initiation that I never would have asked for, but am forever grateful to have received.
The next year really began to shape my understanding of what it means to be in the void of preconception. Now, technically three years into this process and counting—my dream of facilitating a conscious conception has truly unfolded into a Cosmic Conception journey that’s required more of me than I ever anticipated.
CUE: THE COSMIC CONCEPTION DIARIES
This series will document my lived experiences in preconception and how I’m showing up for them (or walking the talk, as they say).
Some topics in the queue include:
Why I stopped trying to heal.
Do siblings close in age = friendship?
Letting go of tandem nursing.
Do babies really bring abundance?
Everyone is pregnant but me: a monologue.
Why I’m not getting labs done. No, not even minerals.
How to be (truly) well nourished on a budget.
When women leave pleasure behind to make a baby.
It’s here in these diaries that I’ll be sharing the vulnerable truth about my path—the healing, the astrology, the set backs, the tears, the yearning, the spirit babies, and frankly, the messiness of it all. (because if I’ve learned anything in the past four years, it’s that a surefire way to make Goddess laugh is to tell her your plans).
These diaries will be one of the three main offerings for paying Substack subscribers: a new portal into the realm of Wild Willing Wisdom.
By paying for your Substack subscription you’ll be supporting my ability to produce free content, while also enjoying the following:
PODCAST BONUS MATERIAL
If you haven’t noticed, I love making bonus material for the podcast! Moving forward these assets will be available to paying subscribers through the show notes.
MONTHLY ‘ASK ME ANYTHING‘
I’ll be responding to your questions in audio format with greater detail and attention than I can in other places! This is a great place to inquire about natal placements, more personal challenges, holistic fertility approaches, etc.
And of course…
THE COSMIC CONCEPTION DIARIES
I’m getting super vulnerable in this new series of personal entries about what we’ve been doing to prepare, heal, expand, and surrender into our next conception.
THE VISION
My long-term vision for this space includes monthly virtual support circles, chat rooms, and community chart readings! My intention in starting slow is so I can build up to these offerings (without burnout or hustle) as I am supported to do so through your subscriptions 🖤
As always, I am tremendously grateful to have you here as a reader and invite you to continue enjoying free content through:
& of course, a healthy critique on
I am looking forward to our collective expansion through the magic of our Cosmic Conceptions ✨
Athena