My Solar Return was an initiation.
The Cosmic Conception Diaries: Part XVII
Throughout the years of my life thus far, the moment of The Birthday has often been a time of great tension and obsession. Our culture emphasizes the day of our birth, the acquirement of possessions, the expectation of perfection, and the drama of the party.
Then as a new Mother, I began acknowledging the forgotten Women for whom it was also a birthing day, often refusing to bring gifts to small children’s parties, and opting instead to provide a gift for the Mother.
This year, my relationship with this celebratory occasion evolved yet again as I tapped into my Solar Return—which marks a “year” of life on Earth—as a portal that activated soul frequencies within a 5° (give or take) conjunction.
This year I have felt deeply connected to my Solar Return Portal which has given me the strength, coherence, and wisdom to grow through the degrees of my Sun’s conjunction instead of focusing solely on the material aspect of my birth moment or “birthday”. What a rich opening this is! – August 2, 2024
It was not lost on me that the instructions I received to “return my frequency to myself” [If you’re not caught up on this, read about it here.] came at the onset of Leo season, and I believe deeply in the divine timing that orchestrated what followed as I couldn’t have possibly designed it on my own.
I held the awareness that the Sun would be channeling Leo energy as I shut down my offerings and embarked on my quest, and I knew that a series of rituals were necessary for me to alchemize what was needed.
Solar Return Water
I began with the simple process of making Solar Return Water. This technique was taught to me by esteemed astrologer, Judith Hill and remains to be one of my favorite yearly rituals. Surely you know by now the way in which water is programmable, and this is essentially the natural law that we utilize when we make Solar Return Water.
I was able to manifest a crystal bowl specifically for this ritual just a few days prior to the conjunction, and set it on a decorated outdoor altar on the day of my Solar Return (with Fauna’s assistance). I enabled the spring water to be calibrated by the Sun’s rays throughout my Solar Return as well as the time of my birth. I also placed a written mantra under the bowl to further assist with the intention of my mission, “I love and accept myself without guilt or shame”.
Ironically, I’ve been working with this mantra since the start of the new calendar year, and never imagined that I would be able to absorb it in the capacity that I have (more on that as my story develops).
I collected the water at the day’s end and imbibed in my own frequency as well as saved a small amount of it in an apothecary jar for a future ritual.
New Moon Burial
The New Moon of Leo season takes place in the sign of Leo, the sign that also happens to house my South Node, a marker of our past and our karma. I decided to use this alignment to bury quite a large collection of my own hair, which I had been saving without knowing exactly why or for what purpose. Much of the hair carried my life before baby and the traumas of the recent years. I had lost a majority of it after competing a healing response in 2021 during a tense and awkward season between life in Montreal and life in North Carolina. It represented for me a period of darkness and self-betrayal. I was ready to release it. On the day of the New Moon I walked up our mountain road and tucked into a hidden place beneath the pines. I let the Earth Mother absorb my pain and allowed her to alchemize it.
Full Moon Baptism
Sometime at the start of this portal I began receiving instructions to conduct a baptism. I envisioned a dress and found it immediately online with beautiful brand Avy & Co, but when the expected arrival date was past my birthday I knew there must be a more appropriate alignment for me. I reviewed the upcoming transits and saw that Leo season would come to a close with a Full Moon in Aquarius just 2° from my North Node, which represents our dharma and where the soul is evolving to in this life (in observing this I also realized that Uranus has been squaring my Nodes since around the start of the TBM Challenge that I wrote about in my previous entry!) I fully accepted this as the correct date for my ceremony, and began to design what was needed for that event (if you follow me on Instagram you’ve been along for the live updates).
In releasing my expectations over the things I could not control—shipping times, location, weather—the experience itself came together with total ease and perfection. Organically we found ourselves at a lake just minutes before the exact conjunction was taking place and without much planning, I gave a short speech about the significance of the ceremony. Although the word, “baptism” is often associated with organized religion, the etymology of the word itself refers to the purification, dedication, and naming of something. And so this is what brought me to the edge of a lake in a white dress on a Monday.
I announced my intention to purify all energies and frequencies from my field that did not belong to me or were not True to my Self, to dedicate my path forward to the exploration and expression of my True purpose, and to name who I am—Athena, daughter of Susan, daughter of Catherine, daughter of Krisoula, and of all the Mothers who came before them, until the Great Mother herself; all other labels, titles, jobs, and Instagram bios are mere accessories to the human experience. I submerged myself in the water and was renewed.
When I embarked on a mission to return my frequency to myself, I anticipated that I would spend the better part of a year healing and reprogramming in some long, serious commitment. Instead, I have moved phenomenal amounts of energy, held incredible recalibrations, and arrived at a deeply peaceful sense of completion in one zodiac season; completely humbled by the miracles of life, God(dess), and my own Self knowing.
There is another layer to this journey, which involves the Heart Work I’ve been doing, in large part for my cosmic conception. That story will be told in the next entry, in which I’ll share about my experiences with Cacao, Motherwort, flower essences, Kava, and community.
As always, thank you for witnessing me.
Athena